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Happy Fake American Labor Day!

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This year, the first Monday of September happens to fall on the first of the month.  So, here you go, September 1, 2014: Happy Labor Day!

Of course, only an American would believe that “Labor Day” is in September.  We should all know that, in fact, it is on the first of May.

Even more ridiculous than Americans’ insistence that Labor Day is in September is their complete and total ignorance of what “Labor Day” is.  Although there are some exceptions (union members, oftentimes) to the rule, your average American on the street has no idea what this holiday is supposed to mean in the first place.  In fact, they simply believe that it’s another random holiday with no meaning whatsoever except to fly the American flag.  It is much like “Memorial Day” or November 11 in this way.  (Very few Americans know when and under what conditions World War I came to an end.)  Although most Americans will at least have some idea of what their July 4 holiday is meant to commemorate, for pretty much every other national holiday, they haven’t the slightest clue.  They simply know that — duh! — it’s a holiday to celebrate — what else? — America.

As a case in point, look at the screenshot below, taken today from the American edition of Google:

Google celebrates Labor Day

Nothing about workers.  Nothing about wage labor.  Nothing about the 8-hour work day.  Not even anything about the AFL-CIO (which, notably, never gets a free pass from Selecting Stones).  Nope, just an American flag.  Thankfully, if you run your cursor over it, Google will inform you that this flag is for “Labor Day 2014”.  How helpful!  Otherwise, we would have no idea.

Perhaps it comes as no surprise, then, that the top story earlier today on the website of the New York Times carries the title, “More Workers Are Claiming ‘Wage Theft’.”  Isn’t that a nice little “Labor Day” headline?

Below we have listed a few noted characteristics of the United States of America.  We propose that they may all be related to one another:

  1. Does not know when Labor Day is
  2. Does now know what Labor Day is
  3. Is a constant breeding ground for right-wing, reactionary ideologies and pseudosciences
  4. Has weak unions (with leaders who also think that Labor Day is in September)
  5. Has all labor law stacked massively in favor of employers over employees
  6. Experiences wage theft by employers on a massive, systematic basis

What the fuck, people?!

Here are the top four results that came up when the scientific editors of Selecting Stones did a Google image search for “labor day” from an American IP address:

Labor Day #1Labor Day #2Labor Day #3Labor Day #4

Let there be no mistake: If you are a member of the proletariat, then the government of the United States of America is your enemy, and you should not raise its flag.


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